We are created differently.
We see things differently.
I save. She spends.
She's detailed. I go with the flow.
I process internally. She processes externally.
One of the things that we learned early on is that we process things very differently. This led to some quality fights, or heated fellowship, in our first years of marriage.
The way that we process situations, ideas, or conversations is part of the person God created us to be. We often found ourselves trying to force each other to process the way that we, individually, process, instead of honoring one another and recognizing that each processing style is important and valuable and therefore should be given the opportunity to be experienced.
Now, when one of us says 'I need to get away and think a bit before we continue this discussion' it creates a moment to exhale, with the understanding that the conversation will still be had, instead of creating doubt, fear, or frustration that the discussion isn't important.
Maybe you find yourself agreeing with the idea that you are married to someone very different than you.
Maybe you find yourself lacking an understanding of how to partner well with someone who processes differently from you.
Maybe you are at your wits end trying to live life well with someone who just sees things differently than you do.
Take heart. There is an ultimate purpose from God in these differences.
The cliché is true. Opposites attract. But there is more to it than a simple statement.
There is a Spiritual Component at work here.
God is after something.
Until we figured out that God has a plan for these differences, we could not see the spiritual component at work within our "heated fellowship".
If a house is divided against itself, that house cannot stand.
If you cannot seem to find common ground within these differences, your house is divided.
If you feel separated from your spouse by any of these differences, your house is divided.
And a house divided against itself cannot stand.
You may find yourself in much "heated fellowship" until you can come to an understanding of the work that God is trying to do in you and your relationship. Until you understand the Endgame for your marriage
The Endgame of our personal walk with God is our sanctification - to become holy.
The Endgame of our marriages is to assist in our sanctification - becoming holy.
When we grasp that fact.
When we take hold of the Endgame that God has in place for us and our relationship.
When we begin to see these differences as stepping stones towards that goal.
Then we will see the God-given qualities in each other that we lack.
God is using our differences, almost as Heavenly Sandpaper, to help sanctify us and grow us into the image of Christ. It may be painful. It may not be fun.
We must change our perspective.
Differences are not here to annoy.
Differences are here to help me grow.
Differences are not here to cause pain.
Differences are here to form Christ in me.
Differences are not here to divide.
Differences are here to grow our unity with Christ.
When our perspective changes, we begin to see our spouse as having characteristics of Jesus that we need in our own lives.
Difference ≠ wrong.
Difference = different.
We should embrace our differences.
We should let each other grow.
We should let marriage be where God changes us.
We should let differences develop us, not divide us.