*This is the first in a Two-Part Series on Trust - to read Part Two click here*
We know that trust is a big deal in relationships. There are a lot of couples, ourselves included, that have experienced issues when it comes to trust.
This topic of trust reminds Jena of the childhood game "Don't Break the Ice"
The goal of the game is to knock down one block of ice at a time by using the little mallet and avoid making the skating figure fall.
A lot of times, what knocks our trust out from under us is NOT just a little mallet knocking out small pieces but is instead a huge BOOM that knocks everything out from under us. When we face a lot of struggles with trust, we find ourselves slipping and sliding around on thin ice when we talk with one another. Then, we don't know what to do or say and our attitude towards our spouse becomes ice cold. When this happens, the relationship begins to unravel.
Because we know that trust is a huge deal for relationships - not just marital relationships, but all relationships - we are going to focus on practicality over philosophy and dive right in with five "trust-busters" of relationship.
1 - The Lump and Dump Buster
The Lump and Dump Buster is when you bring busted-trust-baggage from previous relationships (both Romantic and Platonic relationships) into your current relationship. "He/She is going to do the same thing that fill-in-the-blank did to me" is a pretty standard statement that someone operating in the Lump and Dump Syndrome makes. "Lump and Dump" says you can't trust anyone.
2 - The One Time, All Time Buster
The One Time, All Time Buster is when someone chooses to never trust again because one person broke trust with them one time. This buster is based fully in an agreement we make in our own hearts to "never let THAT happen again". "One Time, All Time" never allows the other person to prove their trustworthiness.
3 - The Silence and Neglect Buster
The Silence and Neglect Buster is when one spouse goes completely silent, or pulls away, in the relationship. When we operate in this buster we leave our spouse with uncertainty, we open the door for assumptions to be made. Our relationships become fueled by imagination and speculation when there is no communication. Silence always leaves the other person in a place of wondering and wandering. "Silence and Neglect" creates a lack of trust in the other person.
4 - The Lies and Broken Promises Buster
The Lies and Broken Promises Buster is easy to see in others, but not easy to see in ourselves. When someone is on the receiving end of a lie, they are very likely to struggle with trusting the person who lied to them again. Even the "Little White Lie" of holding back parts of the truth ends up hurting people more than if the truth had just been told in the first place. Broken Promises are the same - when you tell someone you will do something and then don't do it, that person will expect you to not follow through with your word in the future. "Lies and Broken Promises" slowly removes trust by making little cracks over and over again.
5 - The Fear and Insecurity Buster
The Fear and Insecurity Buster is when we place walls around our hearts because we are afraid or insecure in our own personhood because of something someone else once did. The buster drives our mistrust and creates an atmosphere when neither spouse can "win" individually and the relationship cannot "win" together. "Fear and Insecurity" is a single person issue that becomes a relationship issue.
A gossip betrays a confidence, but a trustworthy person keeps a secret
- Proverbs 11:13
Trustworthy people Protect
Trustworthy people Have Other's Backs
These are just a few Trust Busters that we have seen in our own lives and in the lives of those we have done life with. We want to encourage you to spend some time looking at your own life to see if any of these busters might be present. Evaluate your relationship and see what The Father reveals. There may be a Trust Buster you didn't even know about that is causing havoc in your home and relationship.
Press into Jesus and allow Him to shed light on the areas of darkness caused by lack of trust and make sure to check out Part Two of this trust series - Trust Builders