REALtalk | Conversations from the Couch pt. 3
In April of 2022, Dale and Jena visited the 4GVN Ranch in rural Montana for a time of refreshing and refueling. It was during this time that they decided to sit down on the ranch house couch
and record three conversations covering a few need-to-know topics for real relationships.
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We are praying that these conversations from the couch are, above all else, real and that they make difference in your marriage and relationships.
Today, we want to take a look at a rule that we have found works well in all relationships. We know that the idea of a "rule" probably isn't something that causes tons of joy, but this is a really good rule because it helps us with our tongue.
The tongue has the power of life and death,
and those who love it will eat its fruit.
These words confirm to us that it is very important that we are careful with what we say, how we say it, and the many ways we use words to communicate with others. The book of James calls the tongue both a fire that can set an entire forest ablaze and a ship's rudder that can change the direction of a mighty vessel. This small part of our body has a lot of power to make, or break, a situation.
If you've ever been in a conversation where a small, poorly chosen word has been said, you have experienced the tongue's great power!
With all of that said, we are excited to share with you a rule that we have put into place that we have found really works to help filter the things we say. This rule removes the need for the proverbial rope to bring your words back into your mouth and also limits the possibility of you finding that your foot is somehow now in your mouth!
We have seen this rule really help people as it functions as a grid to look through before they speak.
The rule we want to share with you today is the
K. N. T. RULE
These three letters are important.
When they become the grid you use to process your speaking, they help guide your tongue into being that rudder that James speaks of in his book.
The first letter in our rule acrostic, K, stands for KIND
Are my words Kind - both what I say and how I say them?
Is kindness a fruit of the Spirit that I am exemplifying at this moment?
The second letter in our rule acrostic, N, stands for NECESSARY
Do I even need to say this right now?
Is this word or statement really needed at this moment?
The final letter in our rule acrostic, T, stands for TRUE
Are these words actual truth, or are they assumptive, enlarged, or otherwise false?
Am I speaking the truth or for perception or leverage?
This rule really is a great formula for you to use for conversation.
Now, we would be remiss to not give a quick warning to our readers about the possibility to misuse or even abuse this rule - because we have experienced our own tendency to do just that with this rule.
You may find yourself in a situation where what you want to say is TRUE and the other person really needs to hear it so you choose to push on and make sure they hear your truth!
However, if it is not Kind AND Necessary as well as True, it doesn't need to be said!
If you are not at a place where it is necessary for you to share your true word and you cannot share it with kindness, then you do not need to share that word.
It's as simple as that.
This is not a pick-and-choose type of rule. This is a rule where all three prerequisites must be filled before you speak.
The way to utilize this filter with your words could look something like this:
Is this true? Yes.
Is it necessary for this conversation? Yes.
Can I deliver it in a kind way with the motive for relating with the other person? Yes.
Based on this, I will now share this word because this will move us towards one another and not away from one another.
Dale and Jena Forehand are the founders of Stained Glass Ministries a non-profit 501 C3 ministry. They offer conferences and resources to build real relationships.
To find out more about their amazing grace story of marriage, divorce, and re-marriage to one another visit their website www.daleandjena.com.
You can also find them on Facebook and Instagram at @daleandjena
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1 - WHAT ARE SPECIFIC WAYS MY RELATIONSHIPS WOULD BENEFIT FROM ME IMPLEMENTING THE K.N.T. RULE?
2 - DO I HAVE A NATURAL LEAN TOWARDS ONE OF THE THREE (K.N.T.) WORDS THAT CAUSES ME TO IGNORE THE OTHER TWO?
3 - WHICH OF THE THREE (K.N.T.) WORDS DO I NEED TO WORK ON EXAMINING THE MOST?
We would love to hear how this topic and these questions are impacting your life. Please comment below any thoughts, or answers to our questions, or ask any follow-up questions to keep the conversation going.